i can't let go (so love me once more)
by jamiejullianne
Summary: Lexa asks Clarke what love feels like.


Your lover kisses you, and you feel a tremor in the back of your knees. The synapses fire sending orders, move your legs move your arms, she's the one for you, she's the girl of your dreams, she's your one and only. And you know because, the smell of her makes your head swim because you get a physical jolt every time she sends a glance your way. I mean she touches you here – and you feel it there. You touch her anywhere, and you feel it everywhere. – Alice Pieszekci (The L Word)

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"Tell me," she says, "what does love feel like?" I look at her with one of my eyebrows quirked – I'm questioning her with a look. I want to laugh, but I don't. Why would she even ask me that? I thought she loved me. She _said_ that she loved me. Loves me.

We went for a walk in the park. The weather is nice because it's spring. I like spring, that's when everything feels more loved by everyone. More appreciated.

"Lexa," I sigh, "Why w-," and she cuts me of by kissing me. She smirks after the kiss, and now she is standing right in front of me. I look into her eyes. So very majestic, every time I picture them I never get them in the right color. Sometimes they are blue with a little grey and then they are green. Today they are green.

I'm getting lost in my thoughts thinking about her eyes, she kisses me again.

"What are you thinking about?", she asks me.

"Your eyes," I say. She laughs a little and blushes. I'm so happy that it is I, Clarke Griffin, who gets to see this side of her. I lay my hand on her chest and I feel her heart beating. _Thud Thud Thud._ "Are you nervous?", I ask her.

"No Clarke, I'm just waiting for an answer to my question. Are you not going to answer it?"

"I'm definitely going to answer it, Lexa," and she nods.

I look around me to look if there is anyone else in the park. I see just a few people. I walk towards the grass and I look back if Lexa follows me. She does. When she stands beside me, I take a step so that I'm standing in front of her.

"Just please do as I say?", I ask her.

"Well, I do that very often, don't I?", she says smirking. I laugh, because yes, she actually does.

I take both her hands and I spread her arms. "Lift your head up to the sky," I step away from her and continue, "now just spin, spin until you feel dizzy."

And I can't believe it, but she really does it. She spins and spins and spins. I'm surprised she doesn't trip over her own feet. She stops after a minute and lies down on the grass. "I'm so dizzy, I feel like I'm getting sick, but that's not it. I also feel butterflies in my stomach?" She blushes after saying the last part.

"I know", I say smirking, "that's how I feel every time I look at _you_ ". We both lie down on the grass.

"Clarke?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to tell you something."

I look at her but she's staring up at the sky. I don't say anything and I wait for her to begin speaking. I'm not nervous, I just have a funny feeling in my stomach.

"Clarke Griffin, I'm so terribly truly in love with you and it's freaking me out. I saw the look on your face when I questioned you. That was just me being cheesy and it answered my real question. If you actually knew what I felt for you. I know that I tried to push you away when things got hard, I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's hard for me to let someone in and it scares me. But when I'm with you everything falls into place because I feel like you understand me. I can feel the connection between us", she's crying but she tries to hide it by quickly wiping her tears away, "This connection that makes me feel brave, alive and at the same time so _afraid._ How can I feel this so strongly?"

I get up in a sitting position and I pull Lexa up by her hands. I gently take her face in my hands and wipe the tears away with my thumbs. "I love you", I say and she looks at me. Oh how she looks at me. My heart clenches together. She looks so devastating, she looks like she is going to lose me so I have to tell her something that could make her feel better.

"I can't lose you", I say and look at her to see if she's even listening to me, "you're not the only one that feels our connection so strongly, I do too. And there is only one explanation for it, we truly love each other. Maybe we are each other's soulmate, who knows? This could be our fairy tale."

"Clarke?"

"Yes, Lexa?"

"I want you to be my forever."

"I would love that, would you be mine forever?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Absolutely", and she kisses me very slowly with so much adoration.

When we're done I take her hand and we stand up. "Ready to go home," I ask her?

"Just one more question," Lexa says and takes something out of her pocket, "Will you marry me?" She hands me the box so I could open it, I do. The ring is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I didn't see this coming. Lexa has A+ timing. Of course I want to marry her so I say it. "Yes, yes, absolutely," and I hug her.

We're both smiling like idiots. Looking into each other's eyes like we're the only ones on the planet. And I know that Lexa truly is my forever. Even if it's a long time. I don't care, it's not such a long time if I spend it with her. My soulmate.

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I hope you liked my first clexa story! Thanks for reading.


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